The D-wordok i might offend some people with this blog, nonetheless it is not my intention. on the other hand, I truly have some strong feelings on this and i am honestly pretty frustrated with people in general, but specifically Christians with this issue.
About a year ago, i learned about a former pastor and his wife, after over 25 yrs of marriage they are getting a divorce.
While I attended this church, he often said that if his marriage was ever in trouble or ever failed he would step down from the ministry. he said that because his marriage was more important than his ministry. You know I always respected him for saying that, but when faced with his marriage on the rocks and separated from his wife, he chose to stay in the ministry. Saying that everyone encouraged him to stay in the ministry, so I have heard.
i have had about 8 friends of mine get a divorce and 4 friends that are in the process of getting a divorce. Some married for 10 yrs and some for 6 mos. Majority of my friends that have gotten a divorce are Christians. i only mention this because i think that they should know better. They should make every effort to keep their marriage intact even it they are not happy. Biblically speaking the only exceptions for a divorce are of infidelity (includes sexual abuse to a child), and if your spouse is an unbeliever and they leave you. There may have been only 2 of them out of the 12 friends that fell into this category.
For biblically based perspectives on divorce read these sites for further information:
What Does the Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage?
What the Bible says about divorce and remarriage
What does the Bible say about divorce? When is it allowed?
when friends shared with me about their pending divorce, i was in utter dismay and total shock. many of these friends i thought were seemingly happy. They looked to be in love with each just as much as my hubby and I are. I had no clue that their marriage was struggling. While some have given seemingly good reasons to why they are cancelling the commitment they have made, majority have said that they were unhappy and not compatible with each other.
i look at my mom and her relationship with my dad. my father wasn't a very compassionate or loving man and often he was very condescending, cruel, and hateful towards my mother but she still stuck by him. sure there were times she felt like walking away from this awful situation, she even filed once when I was in the 2nd grade, but then didn't sign the final papers. They even separated a few times for 3 to 6 months.
my mom was a model of staying through the good and the bad, and believe me there were really bad and ugly times she went through. I always wondered why she didn't divorce him. she deserved to be happy and she deserved so much better. My mom grew up a daughter of an affluent family in Honduras, always having the best and people waiting on her at her every turn. to then become a wife of a trucker living in a worn down mobile home in the middle of poverty stricken podunk texas.
you know I always used to wonder why she didn't say, "NO THANK YOU! I am not dealing with you any more" but she stuck it out. She stayed with my dad even after he told her he was leaving her and stopped paying the mortgage and she would have to fend for her self. she stuck by him even after him constantly making fun of her and ridiculing her faith in God. She stuck by him even after he had left her and then came back home to soon find out he had colon cancer. I mean what woman in her right mind would cook, clean and care for a man the treated worse than the dirt on the bottom of his shoe.
After 30 yrs of what I used to call being miserably married, my mother got 3 months of Mr wonderful, after my father had given his Life to the Lord 3 months before going to heaven. she told me 2 days ago, that it was totally worth going through all she did for those 3 months. What a truly amazing woman. At my dads funeral my pastor said that her faith got her through it all and she personally got to see my dad give his life to the Lord by being the person to lead him to the Lord.
Now i have seriously contemplated even writing this not only because I had to watch my mother go through this but also I don't want people to think that I am insensitive to those that are struggling with their marriages. but I have to say this, I am so sick and tired of people giving up on their marriages.
back in may we saw a friend that we hadn't seen since her wedding, and it was about 2 yrs ago. i asked how her spouse was and she said they were separated and in the process of finalizing their divorce. i again was in utter shock and baffled at the destruction of this once blissfully happy couple's marriage.
I do know that personally speaking, my hubby and i have made a commitment to stay married no matter what. After learning about another couple, this weekend we have been talking about making a conscience effort to keep our marriage in check. We are going to try get involved in a young married group at a church, stay accountable with our friends when we are struggling, praying together and for each other every day, taking time for us to spend together alone ;), and most importantly seeking the Lord to show us individually what we can do for one another to encourage and edify. We have made a commitment to stay married.amd Married, with God's help, shall we stay!
so I am asking everyone who reads this, if ever in time i ever say the d-word, please remind me what I wrote today. Kick me, slap me, do what ever it takes to remind me that my marriage should important to me and should fight for the death do us part commitment i made to my hubby.
And one more thing, please pray for your married friends. Marriage is hard, difficult, fun, exciting, scary, adventurous, all at the same time. You really learn how selfish you are when you are married. And Some times things you never thought you would ever say to another human being come out of your mouth that hurts the other spouse deeply. We as Christians need to be real with each other. Share your struggles with your friends ask them to pray for you ask them to keep you accountable, ask them to kick you in the butt when you need it. Dont keep it a secret if your having difficulties cause seriously you are not alone every marriage has difficult times with some rough patches and bumpy rides along the way but thats even more reason why we as Christians should rally around each other and win this war against divorce. I know we would be happier people because of it and more people would want to be like us!
Currently listening :
(My King) Live Praise & Worship
Release date: 24 August, 2004
Myspace Blog comments:
Ay. Not an easy one to write, huh? I'm sorry for your friends going through divorces. It IS amazing to see what can happen and how people can grow when they DO stick it out even when everyone else would tell them it's ok to leave. My grandma's story is a lot like your mom's...he husband also came to the lord at the very end of a battle with cancer. You just never know how you can affect people ... I just think of all the tiny daily strengths and choices my grandma and your mom had to make -- probably they just asked God for the strength and courage to do the right thing...none of us are strong enough alone -- and it really inspires me to try to be centered on God everyday to make those everyday decisions in him. I know it's not by our ownvstrength...
Posted by Ranny on Jul 9, 2006 7:30 PM
Thank you, Estreitta, for the truth that was spoken in love. I understand why you admire your mom so much! You know, unfortunately, most in my family have not stuck it out. I, in no way, am criticizing or judging, but I would like to join in on your stance and say, IT STOPS HERE! I, with you and God's help, will do whatever it takes to stay married to my husband - many days it takes God's help
But, I encourage those who read this who may be struggling in your marriage to let go of pride and remember that LOVE NEVER FAILS - seek GODLY counsel - not from your family, not from you bestfriend (unless they are Godly, which they should be) but go to a neutral GODLY counselor and God can and will change it around! Your marriage will become a testimony!
Posted by M♥NDY on Aug 4, 2006 12:45 PM