Marriage isn't for Everyone

12/02/2013 Estreitta de Kluetz 0 Comments

For all my single friends I love you and want God's best for you.  God's best is and can look different for everyone... But don't settle for anything less than Gods best for you.

I know how this time of year can be a little lonely and sometimes annoying especially Around the holidays.  I remember when I was I your shoes and how the inevitable question that came up is: "Are you were dating anyone." then that would lead to the comment: "why not, you're a great catch, you are such a beautiful & amazing person."

Those questions cut like knife it was like they are saying being married was the pinnacle of every single persons life... While it is one of the best decisions ive ever made and its great to share my life with someone I love dearly.....

Dare i say it,  marriage isn't for everyone.  

Just look at the statistics for Christians & divorce. According to Barna Group: 32% of Christians have ended their marriage in divorce It is an epidemic in the body of Christ and it needs to stop. Below is the US statistics:




I do not know the specifics of every situation, but personally believe it really goes back to seeing the signs before a couple gets married, heeding wisdom from our pastoral leaders, friends and family. Truly listening and seeking The Lord on if this person is and should be the person you marry. If you HAVE ANY reservations... 

Even as you walk down the isle with everyone watching you have every right to JUST SAY NO! 

The moment of embarrassment and disappointment will pass but it is and will be worth it in the long run that you did not marry someone that you were not 100% sure about being and staying married to for the rest of your life thru the good, bad, ugly, stinky, happy, funny, silly, sad, distressing, annoying, horrible times of your life.  DO NOT marry them no matter how much potential they have or how attracted you are to them or feel like you will never have someone like this enter in your life again or you feel you are destined to be a virgin until Jesus Comes back... 

It is not worth it especially if you are not completely and totally 100% sure. 

Even if you've slipped up and broken passed boundaries you never thought you would pass as a single Christian who wants to live righteously... again the long term pain of divorce is not worth it and the fall out is so much greater not only to you personally but if there are children involved and those that admire you and look up to you.

The 12 years Erik and I have been married we know of about 50+ couples who've gotten a divorce. 90% of them we know have a relationship with Christ. This BREAKS my heart and to see the aftermath is so hard for my friends... 

Only in some situations are there biblical grounds for the marriage to end in divorce. About 5 of them ended because of either infidelity, addiction issues, abuse and/or the safety and well being of the children. However, majority of the reasons i have heard over the years why a couple is ending this covenant made between man and woman and God is either for irreconcilable differences or they "fell out of love" with the person....

We have such a huge problem and its the proverbial elephant in the room no one in the church wants to address or come up with a solution solve. Instead of other believers encouraging couples to stay together, I've heard stories that even some pastors and leaders are encouraging couples to leave the marriage with no biblical justification for divorce. this is REALLY getting frustrating me! Why are we allowing this to happen in the Body of Christ?

How can the church stand for the sanctity of marriages when our divorce rates almost exceed the rates among secular society?  
Ok I'll get off off my soap box now...

I think it's so important to really know the person and see who and what their character is like... Because when you marry you are also marrying those issues. those issues won't be fixed and no matter how absolutely amazing you are you cannot fix them only God can.  And the person has to allow God to heal that issue. If anything when you are married those issues rear their ugly heads in a bigger and sometimes scary way.

I have SEVERAL amazing single friends that i know would make a great spouse someday, especially if that is what God has destined for them. And for the most part I think most will get married but some may not.  Both are Good and Both are something that God has called people to and that is God's Best for them.   As a single person you have the opportunity to cultivate who you are and who God created you to be and be whole inside and out.  Get your issues dealt with now. Many have grown up in dysfunctional homes the effects of that can affect your future marriage. 1 in 3 women have been sexually abused and 1 in 5 men have as well. Many have seen violence in the home or some form of substance abuse.

Those things can skew our perspective and outlook on the world, marriage, and God, and with The Lord by our side you can be healed completely. Deal with those things now rather than later.  Find a Godly Mentor and surround yourself with Godly friends now so they can speak truth into your life so when the time comes you can be prepared and have someone objective in your life that you know won't lie or just tell you what you want to hear.  While the honesty may hurt and makes you some times want to avoid them especially when you know are making the wrong decisions in your life they will always try to speak life, truth and want God's Best for you. 

Don't settle for the counterfeit don't give up on the vision God has for your life whether single only for a season or for the rest of your life. You should trust The Lord to guide your steps.

And to my single again friends, I know you've been through a lot and worry that God won't or can't make things good again.. I know he can and I know he will. Seek his face and honor him in all your ways and he will direct your path. He is in the restoration business and loves to bring you back to what he originally planned for your life. So go after that and he will reveal so much more than you could ever imagine.



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